I am a cockeyed optimist
Some say a foolish dreamer
If you look in the dictionary for the delightful phrase “Cockeyed optimist” you won’t find it. But you will find this:
cross-eyed.
having a squinting eye.
twisted, tilted, or slanted to one side.
Slang
foolish; absurd.
intoxicated; drunk.
completely wrong.
Dictionary.com gives optimist a circular definition, leading you to
a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome. Synonyms: cheerfulness, hopefulness, confidence Antonyms: cynicism, pessimism
the belief that good ultimately predominates over evil in the world. Antonyms: cynicism, pessimism
the belief that goodness pervades reality.
the doctrine that the existing world is the best of all possible worlds.
Dictionary.com should have a fourth definition for optimism, or a new definition for my title. I can write it for them:
Cockeyed optimist: noun phrase
A person who starts or recommits to a healthy eating plan right before the holidays. Antonym: sane, realistic people
Me
I Recommitted Monday, November 4.
It takes a heart of stone not to laugh at my innocent naivete. Who is this delusional person, thinking she is going to eat healthy over this HOLIDAY SEASON? We just got out of the candy-palooza that is the modern American Halloween. I had exactly two trick-or-treaters; two 13-year-olds. Of course, the smallest bag would serve 25. I polished off half, then threw the rest away in disgust. We have even more craziness ahead of us:
Office Thanksgiving lunch
Friendsgiving
Actual Thanksgiving day
Munching during the holiday weekend
Endless parties during December
Christmas Eve goodies
Christmas Day lunch
Christmas Day supper
Leftovers galore!
Weird week of munching between Christmas and New Year’s
New Year’s Eve!
The period between Halloween and New Year’s are so deadly for weight loss that one program I was on years ago didn’t even pretend that participants would lose weight during that time. Instead, they labeled it the “Merry Maintain-a-thon” and encouraged everyone to stay at the same weight.
Cockeyed is definitely the word for what I decided to attempt.
So, WHY Do this to Yourself?
The past eight weeks have been a festival of bad food choices - a Carnevale. I keep eating the high fat of the keto plan while adding processed fast food, sweets calorie, and tall lattes a plenty from my favorite drive thru.
Result? Weight gain creeping up to 8 pounds, overwhelming shame, and bracket creep in my hips and stomach. There’s no way to describe what was happening to my system politely. Here’s an allegorical story which may help. When I was ten our family went to Minnesota to visit Dad’s brother who’d taken over the family farm. We kids played and compared accents (Southern vs Midwestern in the 70s - we almost didn’t understand each other) while Dad talked cows and crops with his brothers. One night one of the cows in the herd was ill. All of the men were outside with the cow, very concerned it would die. When I asked why, Grandma told me that the cow was bloated.
That’s how I felt after the last two months.
A New Day Dawns
I hesitate to talk more about this new start; what I’m doing, what it is, for fear of jinxing it. I realize this is not ideal for a newsletter which purports to share my personal health journey with you. I’ll reveal only a little bit now.
I was poking around the new, free benefits promoted by my company just prior to Open Enrollment and saw this program. Intrigued, I thought I’d explore more on the website and put in my email address to get more information.
I knew I was signing up for it, but I didn’t quite realize how quickly this group moved. That day I started getting texts and emails with more information. It all looked fantastic and I agreed to a get-to-know-you call with a health coach. He laid out the plan, and told me I could start Monday.
Whoa. It wasn’t even Halloween yet. Plus, my birthday was still four days away! I had some serious eating to do first. He told me - and this really sealed it for me:1 I could pick my start date.
Ok, then, that’s a horse of a different color.
I picked November 4 as my start date. Only later did I realize that was the week of the election. No matter which candidate won, you might want something strong, to either drown your sorrows or celebrate. As they said in Airplane
Now what?
As you may have noticed, I haven’t been writing at all this week. I know myself so well - I start things and then stop. I drop things all the time. I just want one week on this new way of eating before I give you any real specifics on what I’m doing.
I can tell you one thing: I don’t feel bloated anymore.
All for you
Dear readers, you are the reason I keep going. You are the reason I write at least once a week. (To be honest, I also love seeing the email from Substack each week telling me my publication rate is better than 94% of all Substack writers! Thank you for following along on the journey. I’m so grateful to have you as readers.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!
Along with the fact that it was free, of course.